Soapbox: I Will Cut You, or how I am learning to love who I am

I’m done dieting and obsessing over working out.  Yep, I said it.  I know this will come as a shock to some people, but I usually do not get that euphoric high from working out.  I do not bound delightfully to the gym, excited for todays adventures in spinning or running.  If I am running, the Zombie Apocalypse is upon us and you should run in the same direction.

In addition, I enjoy eating the following on a regular basis: Bread; Cheese (Saga Blue Brie is my favorite); Butter; Ice Cream; Milk.  Normally regular Coke Classic would e on my list but I’ve been off the Coca-Cola Classic Crack for a week..and it is PAINFUL! #thestruggle

However, the point is that I don’t want a diet filled with only one type of food, that restricts other types that I really adore, or that fills me full of tastebud altering chemicals that mimic what I really want to be eating (Fat-Free Cheese is the devil….just saying).  In fact, it may be surprising to find out that I typically don’t even eat enough already.  What?!  A woman who is larger than a size 4 does not eat 500 thousand calories a day to get that way?!  Yes, folks!  It’s true.  I have to work to eat 1,660 calories in a day, which is what myfitnesspal says I should be eating.  Sometimes I make it, sometimes I exceed it, but most days I’m well under.

giphy (1)

Normally I am a worry wart about my weight.  I worry when I eat, I worry when I don’t work out.  I worry when a pair of pants fits a little too snugly.  I hate shopping some days.  However, what really bothers me is that I am NOT worried because of my health.  I am worried because I have learned to covet every scrap of real and faux approval I get due to my size.  Very murmur that I am thin, small, fit, pretty, so on.  Each and every morsel of approval I pocket and keep for a rainy day.  Since honestly, I’m a former fat kid — and its nice for someone to say more than “You have a pretty face.”

But kids, its HARD keeping up appearances.  When I go into Fall exams, I always gain weight — and get sick.  That time is the worse — so I’m fat AND sick. What?  I’m exhausted, I’m stressed, I’m worried about grades, and then someone comes up and mentions that I’ve put on a little weight.  Ya’ll better be glad that I want to run for office someday and can’t cut you….

Continue reading

Advertisements

Valentines Day in Nerdland: Presidential Love

Happy Valentine’s Day — or Single Awareness Day — or Thursday.  Whatever is your bag.
For me, it’s both Valentine’s Day and Thursday.  My fiance and I probably won’t see each other, he’s coming down with some sort of cold that I’d rather not get (but in all honestly probably already have), and my day is a normal Thursday.  However, I am in love, and I love it.  My fiance picked up a new fuzzy stegosaurs plushie for me last weekend just as a suprise — so I take that and the luscious new Macbook Pro that I am blogging with as my Valentines Day presents — even though he just saw them and wanted to do something nice for me.  He’s a good guy like that.   His presents are hidden in the house…but I know he won’t go looking for them.  Regardless, I’m lucky to be in love.

Tonight on the Rachel Maddow Show (MSNBC), she mentioned how we tend to not think about Presidents as people sometimes.  As young men who were in love.  And you know she is right.  We see the photos of the current POTUS and FLOTUS out and about — and it almost seems novel that this man wants to date his beautiful wife.  Perhaps it shouldn’t be.  One of my favorite presidents (yes you are a wonk when you have a fave president) is LBJ — President Johnson.   At one point, the man who would demand desegregation by deploying the National Guard, who has instituted the ONLY blue ribbon pannel to review the Criminal Justice system (not for lack of trying former Sen. Jim Webb, not for lack of trying) — once courted his love with letters.

So on Valentine’s Day — from my little corner of nerdland (after being introduced by these and the following video post via Ms. Maddow) I give you Love Letters from a President — LBJ to Lady Bird (as read by Kirk Douglas and Helen Hayes).