Video Break: Perception is Everything

Wahhhh!   No seriously.  Wahhhha! What are we doing to ourselves women?!  After reblog of this post from Kate of “This Is Not A Diet” — this is so timely.

So raise your hand if you do this?   Raise your hand if you describe yourself as a hag — when you really are beautiful.  I know my hand is up.  When I look in the mirror most days all I see are the lumps of fat, the imperfections  the should be’s.  What are “should be’s”?  This “should be” tighter; this “should be” thinner; this “should be” smaller; I “should be” working harder.  But the thing of it is — I am healthy, I am strong, I am smaller than I’ve ever been in my life — but it still isn’t good enough.  I still am so ultimately critical of myself that I can’t see what others apparently do.  I can’t see how proud of me my family and friends are for my commitment to loose the weight I have lost; to be the person I am; to have achieved everything that I have outside of the size pants I wear.

Despite the CLEAR differences I can see when I make myself in the two photos below — I still see the 325+lb woman on the left when I let that critical eye wander down my image in the mirror– not the clearly thinner and trimmer person on the right. [Disclosure — the photo on the left was taken around 2005 during my first year in law school.  I’m pretty sure I got heavier than this.  The photo on the right was taken in Cozumel in March of this year — so yes it is recent, and its a pretty candid photo as well.  I have on no make up (which is my norm) since we were on our way to snorkel reefs — and the t-shirt features Baby Godzilla (from Threadless) in case you are curious!)

This negative eye is an epidemic, this is problematic — and I’m not sure how to solve it. How can we make women see their worth, in a world that mostly sees only their beauty as being valuable.  When all you hear about Hillary Clinton is how tired she looks or her bad dress pants, not how smart she is — we know we have issues.

But, what I can do is to  be honest about my own issues, and hopefully that will at least make someone feel a bit of comfort — to know that they are not alone, and that LOTS of us are struggling with body image issues.  LOTS of us are wondering if we will ever be satisified.  So you aren’t alone — don’t throw in the towel, but just work every day to give yourself and your body credit on being fabulous.  Whether you keep loosing or regaining those same 10lbs, no matter if you are overweight right now, no matter if you wonder if you’ll ever stop judging your worth by the size number in your pants — you’re fabulous!  Yes!  YOU!  Right there!  Someday I’ll believe all the time that I’m fabulous too 🙂

891a34f0-8e89-459a-b07b-2f9f40334820wallpaper

The Media Diet

I struggle with this on a regular bais. 325lb+ me would have been elated to be the size that I am. Thanks to fitspo, thinspo, and even people in my life who talk about my size and weight — I am always trying to be thinner and fitter. Not for me, not in a health way — but to “fit in”. Thanks to Kate for putting my feelings into words.

This is Not a Diet

I’ve been a larger person for the great majority of my life.  I’ve never experienced being someone who has teeny little invisible-to-others flaws they pick apart in the mirror.  In fact, for most of my adult life I thought it would just be fantastic to wear a size 14 so I could shop somewhere that sold clothes I liked.  I never coveted a “thigh gap” or a stomach with so little fat you could see my abdominal muscles.  I thought it would be great if my thighs didn’t chafe when I walked from all the rubbing.

The closest I ever got to the nit-picking your body phase was at the end of my weight-loss and the year that followed.  I flew past original goals, to wear that size 14 and be able to walk anywhere I wanted to without getting out of breath or chafing my thighs.  I was wearing…

View original post 1,463 more words